In March 2010, Dwayne Michael Carter, jr., colloquially known as Lil Wayne, Weezy F Baby, or Tunechi, began a jail sentence at Riker’s Island for attempted criminal possession of a weapon.*
This was a pretty traumatizing time for my beloved Comrade-in-Weezy Fandom, Megan, and me. To cope, we put together a list of the top fifteen reasons we felt it was wrong for Lil Wayne to go to jail which was later published in our school newspaper, the Pio Log. In the spirit of #throwbackthursday, here is the list, in its original glory:
Top 15 Reasons Lil Wayne Should Not Go To Jail
15. Unwanted pregnancies will increase without Lil Wayne as a condom spokesman.
14. Young and impressionable teenagers will do more drugs because of the surplus left in Weezy’s absence.
13. He recorded 30 music videos over the month leading up to his prison sentence. If they keep postponing his sentence, think of how productive he’ll be.
12. His flock of protégés at Young Money Entertainment will be left wandering aimlessly without the presence of their president.
11. What will ESPN do without its best commentator and blogger?
10.The music industry will not survive without him.
9. He’s never spent this much time away from his beloved father-figure, Bryan “Baby” Williams aka the Birdman.
8. Amateur bowling will never be the same.
7. The world will fall into a period of cold-hearted depression without his heartwarming and inspiring insights on love. For example, “if love is everywhere,i’ll [sic] never end up in the middle of nowhere.”
6. He coined the term “bling bling.” What other new vocabulary will we miss out on while he is incarcerated?
5. Purple drank isn’t going to drink itself.
4. At only 5’6”, he’s too Lil to go to jail.
3. He has to be the father to Reginae, Dwayne III, Lennox Samuel Ari (incidentally born on 09/09/09), Neal, and an alleged fetus residing in Shanell’s womb.
2. Da Drought 3.
1. He named his child Neal.
*Fun Fact: he was originally supposed to start his sentence earlier, but he had to put it off for dental reasons aka he was getting his permanent grill updated.